How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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