It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
