Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
