i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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