If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she smelled like a LAN party
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
