So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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