I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
