That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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