Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
