Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
