so that wasnt chicken after all
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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