it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize