I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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