I cannot find my penis.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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