Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
