Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
