I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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