I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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