Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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