I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize