Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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