Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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