Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
