This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
