yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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