my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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