I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
