im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
