Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
