btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we're making bets on your personal life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
