Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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