i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
