you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
