i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
