Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
