You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
