Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
