You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
