Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
