make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
