All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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