I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
