I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
