is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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