So drunk its hurt
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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