she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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