fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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