So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
