I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize