You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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