Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i may or may not be watching the land before time
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
