apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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