normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
