just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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