Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
