u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
