this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
