Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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