I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
