okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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