and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
