I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
