I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
