HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
