I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
