Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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