ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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