dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
