That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize