I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
