Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
