Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
