Sponge bath it is.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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