Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
