ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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