no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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