1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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