I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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