Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
