She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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