just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
