Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize