Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
