Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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