We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
