I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
