Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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